Dear God WHY?

I recently became acquainted with the latest “literary” rage “Fifty Shades of Gray,” and I’ve been wondering why such horrible word vomit could become so popular. I also heard a particularly obnoxious song just a little while ago, and questioned why such abominable chord puke could be that commercially successful. Finally, after some extensive consideration (five minutes), I think I have the answer.

Popularity is about universal appeal. Specificity is the enemy. You want to be accessible to as many people as possible, because you want all of those people to make their wallets accessible to you. That means that you want to target the average person, and what is the average person into? Nothing.

Please, please do not misunderstand me here. I am not calling you “sheeple” or railing about the unwashed masses, the Wal-mart generation or the proletariat. I am saying that there is not an average interest. Think about the things that people get into, the things your friends consider themselves experts on and connoisseurs of; college football, for instance, or maybe computer coding. Some people are all about gourmet food or vintage sports cars or legos, some are into paintball or ballet, first person shooters, horses, motorcycles , shoes, crotchet, WWII, their neighbor Ashley, dogs, politics, fitness, the list goes on. The point is, the average person has something that they love to geek out about, but the other average people don’t understand.

I am a story person. I think about plot and character and setting. I devour books, I love tv shows, I immerse myself in movies. I pay attention to the kinds of things in stories that the average person doesn’t notice, like cinematography, character continuity, the subtleties of pacing and prose. This is why “Twilight” and its bastard offspring “Fifty Shades” infuriate me. They are horrible books, I can see that as plain as day. There are so much better stories out there, can’t you see? Why are you guzzling grape juice from a box, I have a 1993 Chianti right here?! Why are you listening to that pop trash? It’s just four chords and an infectious hook, if you were really into music you would listen to classic rock, or blues, or Chopin, or Mozart.

The average person doesn’t care about good music, or good stories, or good wine. They can't be bothered to find out what the good stuff is, and since he doesn’t know any better, he'll consume whatever is merely adequate, or sometimes even downright despicable, without batting an eye. It doesn’t matter if the thing is good or bad, it just has to be interesting."Is this what everyone is talking about?" he thinks, "Huh, I guess that's pretty cool," and after dabbling in the field that he's only mildly interested in, he goes back to the thing he obsesses over.

This isn’t to say that “popular” equals “bad.” “The Hunger Games” is both popular and amazing in the story telling department, as is the “Song of Ice and Fire” series. But it does make me sad to know that in the real world skill doesn’t necessarily equal success, either. Collins and Martin labored for years with their writing, honing their craft and collecting rejection slips like they were Pez dispensers. Finally, their struggle and sacrifice paid off when the market recognized and blessed them, along with the likes of Stephenie Meyer and E.L. James.

There are two lessons in this. The first is that yes, if your Lord of the Rings ripoff with catgirl hookers and exploding walnuts happens to be what the public wants, it won’t matter if you can write or not. Finish your novel, you too can be an overnight millionaire. The second lesson, on the other hand, is more uplifting. It’s an important lesson that will help you be a better person, and that you should never forget. I just wish I knew what it was.